her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
