im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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