i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
