According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
