her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
