You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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