I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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