This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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