If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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