omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
