And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
