After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
