Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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