Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
