do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
