I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
