Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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