I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
