Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Michael Bay diarrhea
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
