Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
