i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
