I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
