Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
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4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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