Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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