remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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