You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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