Ambien. No doubt about it.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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