he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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