This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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