some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
