Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
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He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
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How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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