If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
