I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
