Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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