No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
