Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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