If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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