Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Watching her eat just hurts me
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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