Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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