I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
its not stalking. its research.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
