Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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