i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize