Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
