i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
