fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
