sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
