It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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