This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
