I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
