What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
