I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
