the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
