last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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