Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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