she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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