Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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