Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
