we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
